Do you know WHAT MAKES ME MAD?? It makes me SO MAD I just want to...
Sound familiar? If you want to manage anger, the only way of doing so is to listen to your self-talk. This doesn't mean listening to yourself talk. It means listening to your SELF-TALK. It's quite true that anger is created from within. No matter how much you say-"She made me mad!" "It makes me so mad when?"-the anger comes from YOU, not it or she. Our thoughts about "it" or "she" is actually where the anger comes from. And by changing our thinking we can change the way we feel (for example, instead of angry or enraged, annoyed or irritated..) Doesn't it make sense, then, if anger is created from within that we have the power from within to keep from getting angry? The answer is a definitive YES. By adjusting how you think about a situation, to listen your self-talk, is how you keep yourself from getting mad-period. How? By listening for demands. What are demands? They're easy to spot. They tend to express themselves in words such as SHOULD, ought, must, have-to, need. Depending upon the context and situation, when these words or thoughts are used they will create anger. Whether you use them on someone or someone is using them on you, a sense of anger, rage or mad evolves from these words/thoughts of demand when things don't go your way. There are numerous examples of how this is true, but here is a simple one that most everyone can relate to: You're driving in rush-hour traffic, late to get home. Another driver cuts you off, almost hitting you, so he can run a yellow light that actually is quite red by the time he runs it-leaving you stopped at the light and cursing the driver as he speeds away. Your immediate thoughts are: "What an idiot! People like that shouldn't be allowed to drive!! He's an accident waiting to happen. They ought to lock him up!!" The word ?should- creates anger because of its demanding nature. Simply stated, the situation is history. Yet, by saying it shouldn't happen you're demanding that reality not exist as it does, lousy as it may seem. Bottom line: it happened as it should based upon all the events that led up to it happening. Instead if you approach the situation without demands then your reaction will change appropriately. You may wish he didn't drive that way, you may prefer it, but he's driving that way?so don't deny the reality of it! It may be illegal, but it's his choice to drive that way. You'd feel much better to accept it and not demand anything to the contrary. This works for anything in life. When you "should on somebody" you're creating anger for yourself (or them) when it is totally un-necessary. When you knock off the demands, shoulds and oughts, you'll notice a difference. It would be nice if things always went the way you want them to go, but that isn't reality, so become more tolerant by listening to your own thoughts and you'll start to see anger withering away. Dr. David L. Thomas, LMHC About The Author Dr. Thomas is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a practice in Tampa, FL. He has been counseling people to feel better for over 21 years. This article is posted at www.stressgroup.com. He is also the co-author of Quit Smoking-Be Happy!-see www.quitsmoking-behappy.com to learn more.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Automatic Brain Works Overtime For You
Use all of your brain to be your most effective.
How Not Letting Go of Your Past can Hurt Your Future
Experiences, whether good or bad, are sometimes all we
have, and most of them reside in the past. So you may ask,
why should I let go of my past when much of it is filled
with beautiful memories and serenity?
Worth Waiting For
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002
Integrating Life and Work
Organizations are finally creating cultures that support a work and life balance for their employees. After years of demanding high productivity and increasing on the job hours and expectations and not achieving the hoped-for better results, companies are finally embracing polices and procedures that support employees in integrating their life and work experience. The results are bringing higher productivity, better employee overall job performance, and fewer employee absences, resulting in greater profitability.
The Art of Change
We don't change. I imagine such a statement could find a lot of opinionated opposition if it implied a lack of growth, whether that be on a knowledgeable level, a logical or spiritual one, but in this case we refer to ourselves and who we are in relation to who we were when we decided to grace this world with our presence.
Recreating Yourself
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be. Or perhaps you're standing at a fork in the road and where you'd like to go requires that you make some changes. Maybe you're just really bored with your life as you've been in that same old rut for so long that you just want to scream if you spend another day doing the same amazingly boring things all over again. The reasons for change are as varied as the people making the decision to do so. The only thing you have to remember is that the change must come from you, not from someone else. And it can't be a gift to someone else, it won't work. Ultimately, recreating ourselves is a very personal choice and a very personal decision that others really can't help us with.
Living In The Now
I hope you are sitting down as you read this! You cannot begin to work on this kind of subject without addressing the subject of time itself ? and when was the last time you did that?
3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication
Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or you can have days of low stress effective communication with your peers.
Could You Be A Workaholic?
If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic.
Whats Wrong with Life Coaching?
As a Life Coach I quickly identified most individuals wanted to achieve a particular goal or ambition and tried it themselves without success, and unfortunatley were still reluctant to get any help. So, I started 'A Life Coaching' a company which provides individuals with the tools, skills and processes to Life Coach themselves. (Free sample multi media below.)
Coaches, Do You Make These 7 Deadly Cash Flow Mistakes in Your Practice?
Managing cash flow is every small business owner's most important function. Avoid these seven deadly mistakes to make sure you aren't creating cash flow problems in your coaching practice.
The Power of Visualization
Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery. Humans see pictures on the screen of the mind when thoughts are being processed; i.e. when they think of things.
Coaching - An Adapting Tool For Attaining Fulfillment In The Global Economy
At a time when the global economy is bringing innovation, new ideas and new opportunities into the marketplace, outsourcing and the elimination of white-collar jobs has left many of us feeling anxious and insecure about the future. It is increasingly apparent that the American Worker can no longer look to the corporation for a sense of security, place, benefits or loyalty. As reliance on old structures is diminishing, the following ways of looking at work are emerging:
Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year
It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others. You can't believe it's been a whole year and you are facing another dateless New Years Eve. What can you do?
Empowering Vision
Playing Our Part:
Executive Coaching -The Business Benefits
Executive coaching is an investment for you and your business and you need to understand what returns you will get. How exactly will you benefit from it?
Just Listen, Please!
When did you last do that? When did you last listen to yourself? Is there a small voice inside you calling out "Just listen to me" Just listen. Please". "All I want is for you to listen to me". " I am tired and fed up of continuing doing. Just stop for a moment and just listen. Please".
The Self Development Tool Box
Do you have a self-development toolbox? Do you have a standard set of instruments or mechanisms that you use to delve into your inner self? Just asking yourself those questions makes you think, doesn't it? That is because questioning is the most powerful tool in your self-development toolbox. When we start on the self-development path it is usually because we have asked ourselves a question: who am I, what is it I want, why am I in this position, when can I change, where will this happen and how can I make it happen? Questions can be about us or about others and are used as identifiers. Who do I want to be? Who is standing in the way? Who will support me in this? Who can provide information?
The Harvest: Shared Power
The fall harvest comes upon us once a year. The farmers collect the sometimes-scant rewards of their heroic efforts begun months before. For those of us who are hobby or family gardeners, fall is the time for us to pluck the firm orange pumpkins, the deep green flowers of broccoli, and the plump red tomatoes from their vines. As we reap our rewards of months of work and waiting from the backdrop of the black, black earth, we realize our personal power. If not for our labors, if not for our devoted attention and timely reaction to environmental hazards, these fruits would not be borne. The seeds we sowed in the early spring have given us sustenance and security for the coming frigidness.
If I Only Had a Heart
I know you probably have heard of the movie,
"The Wizard of Oz" right? Well, for those of you,
who have somehow managed to miss this movie,
let me give you a brief description of it.
|
