Can Versus Cant
It is my personal opinion that there are two words that are the driving force behind your personally achieving your ultimate outcome and your WHY in Life. These two words are the most powerful words that you can and will ever speak to yourself about any situation - "CAN" and "CAN'T" As I've said many times, "CAN" is a word of power; whereas, "CAN'T" is a word of retreat. You have the power to decide if you wish to ACHIEVE or RETREAT, because when you speak victory words such as "I CAN", you will attain whatever you set out to do regardless of what others are saying to you. There are many famous entrepreneurs in the world such as Ray Kroc, Fred Astaire, Walt Disney and Dick Clark. I can attest to the fact that if you spoke with each of them individually, they would tell you that in the beginning of their journey the majority of people told them ----you CAN'T do that! Fortunately, they disregarded these statements and listened to their inner voice, who said, "Oh yes I CAN!" The key in life is to realize the most important person who speaks to you every day is you on the inside! You need to review your WHY in Life and see if your are on track toward achieving your WHY, or are you on a detour because someone told you, "You CAN'T do that so stop dreaming and just forget about it!" As a personal mindset builder, you need to speak to your inner person and say to yourself, "Today I will take another productive stride!" Each morning, I visualize myself winning. My personal outcome for each day is to build a community of people who we can inspire and motivate all of us to make the world a better place in which to live. I have to admit if it was not for my inner person saying, "John you CAN do it! YOU CAN do it!" I may not be in the position of success that I am today. Some days it is still difficult, but guess what -- we ARE doing it! I am personally very proud and appreciative of the people who have stepped up to the plate and made individual contributions of talent and time and when combined have made an empowered team at the Di Lemme Development Group - a team that keeps on building each day! In summary, you need to ask yourself a very honest question, "Am I listening to my victory words from the inside or am letting the outer defeat (loser) words control my outcome in life?" . Find Your WHY and FLY! As a young child, John Di Lemme was clinically diagnosed as a
stutterer and told that he would never speak fluently. Today, John has achieved great success as an international motivational speaker, accomplished author and multi-million dollar entrepreneur. John shocks millions globally by exposing the truth about how to achieve monumental life success despite the labels that society has placed on you. Through his award winning live seminars, power-packed training programs, live tele-classes, and weekly ezine, John Di Lemme has made success a reality for thousands worldwide. Visit http://www.FindYourWhy.com and discover how you can
finally create monumental success in your life today and achieve
all your goals, dreams and desires.
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Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks."
How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else.
So . . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.)
Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.)
I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again.
When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . . or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE."
A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.)
Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize, think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?"
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