Become More Self-Confident
Signs of Self-Confidence Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence. 1. Admitting when you are wrong. 2. Being flexible when change is needed. 3. Talking about your accomplishments. 4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot." 5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think. 6. Using a strong handshake. 7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too "corporate." For example, "You guys did a cool thing." 8. Speaking very fast. 9. Smiling often. 10. Learning new skills. 11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble. Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under "Quiz #1." Low Self-Confidence Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence. 1. "I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten." 2. "Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work." 3. "That was really stupid of me." 4. "I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car." 5. (Responding to a compliment) "Oh, I've had this dress for ten years." 6. "I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background." 7. "That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though." 8. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time." Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under "Quiz #2." Where Does Self-Confidence Come From? Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors: 1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned. 2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't. 3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence. 8 Self-Confidence Builders There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence. 1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best "you" possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these: ? Do what comes naturally. ? Develop your talents. ? Follow your convictions. ? Express your own style. 2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident. 3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems. 4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about. 5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way. ? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence. ? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence. ? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape. 6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject: ? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness. ? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence. 7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent. 8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this: ? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Good work. I'm proud of you." ? Think of a way to reward yourself. ? Tell others about your success. ? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal. ? Draw a picture expressing your achievement. Answers to Quiz #1 Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors. Answers to Quiz #2 Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.) Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Whats in it for me if I Hire A Coach?
1. An unshakable foundation:
Mid Life Crisis and the Great American Dream
One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great American Dream". Immigrants would uproot their families and leave their homeland in the hopes of experiencing the freedom and opportunity that awaits them in America. While it is true that our Declaration of Independence states, "we are endowed by our creator with certain alienable rights and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness", it was probably Horatio Alger who did more to popularize the "American Dream". He wrote more than 134 successful short novels targeting the rags ? to ? riches theme. His theme was that if you were honest, worked hard, had a strong determination, did your best and always tried to do the right thing, you would succeed. Alger captured the essence, emotion, soul and especially the spirit of an emerging America. The association between happiness and success was taking root in American culture.
Addiction to Blame
Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn't stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he didn't know the answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he didn't get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he couldn't seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her.
If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach
And ironically the more we worry about it, the more tense we get
and the more likely we are to say something stupid.
Encourage Personality Testing
I was asked the other day : "Kate, is personality testing novelty, frivolity, or common sense?"
Progress Reviews: Your Key To Effective Coaching
One of the most effective ways to help your staff succeed is to provide regular, consistent coaching throughout the year. A Progress Review is a specific kind of coaching discussion, tied to the employee's Annual Objectives and Standards. It is an informal discussion in which the manager coaches the direct report to meet any unmet goals that are below target, and praises him or her for goals that are being met. Conducting progress reviews are a very important role for being an effective leader or coach. It is suggested that each of your direct reports receive a progress review discussion from you at least 2-3 times per year.
10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Went Into the Real World
I must confess, I laughed when I saw that Maria Shriver has come out with a book called, "Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going Into The Real World." The real world? Come on, she grew up a Kennedy and married the biggest action movie star of all time! That aside, it got me to thinking: What are ten things I wish I would have known before going out into the real world? So, here they are...
Why?
I met Sean a year and a half ago in a crowd of 50,000 people. We struck up a conversation and really hit it off. He gave me his number, which I forgot. I thought about tracking him down, but figured if it was meant to be we would meet again. Three weeks later I got a phone call from him, and we have been together ever since, until about a month ago.
Are You Worth Investing In?
Do you realise that if you're green you're growing and if you're ripe you're rotten? So says Winston Marsh, Business Marketing Guru in his recent newsletter.
How to Slow Your Spinning Mind
Have you ever laid in bed trying to fall asleep, but your mind keeps spinning with all the things you need to do? Your thoughts just keep ticking?
Sheep Do Not Start Out Lost
Have you ever thought about how sheep get lost? Even with a shepherd, they still get lost. How does this happen? The one thing I know for sure is that they did not start out lost.
Essence of Awakeness
Be conscious, aware, and alert. Pay attention. Remember when you were in elementary school and the teacher used to say pay attention now, this is important? Well, this is important. Wake up! What does it take to wake up an adult? Many people go through life on automatic, doing life as it comes along. What kind of things occurs that is considered a wake up call? The death of a loved one, a miracle, a near death experience, the birth of a child, a divorce, a marriage, a spiritual experience, a great accomplishment, a serious illness, an award, losing a job, winning the lottery, which of these would wake you up?
A Fresh Look at the Choices We Make
We are frequently held back from making future plans or reaching goals based on the perceived wrongness of choices we've made in the past. I want to give you something to think about.
Invest Your Inner Wealth
It started out like any other Wednesday - reports to type, telephones to answer, books to balance. When the clock finally struck 4:30 p.m., Lauren locked her desk and wearily made her way to the fast-food café where she waited on tables several evenings a week. As a single mother struggling to make ends meet, Lauren's days were an endless blur of typewriters, ringing telephones and demanding children.
Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.
Personal Power
All of us would love to have personal power ? the power to manifest our dreams, the power to remain calm and loving in the face of fear, the power to stay centered in ourselves in the face of attack.
Your Silent Voice of Experience
"I can't wait!" she exclaimed over the phone. The anticipation in her voice was evident as we scheduled a time to meet and discuss her new fund raising project. This client had a gigantic goal. She also needed lots of information in order to begin.
Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD
For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line, wishing we could skip all the steps in between. Unfortunately, this perspective often causes us to become overwhelmed when it's time to start a project. We know where we want to end up, but we don't know where to start.
Leading Grief Groups: The Preliminaries
Preparation:
Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say (or then again?!)
When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as a professional coach, or a line manager/business owner using coaching skills in their own business, with their own people. But it's so easy sometimes to turn the tables and be the client..oh, so easy...:-)
|
