Resolving Conflicts Effectively
Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident. Think about the kinds of conflicts that happen in your daily life. These are typical: 1. Disagreements over who should do what 2. Disagreements over how things should be done 3. Conflicts of personality and style
Nonproductive Ways of Dealing with Conflict
Now that we've identified some typical situations where conflict arises in your everyday lives, let's look at some examples of ways that people deal with them. These are the common ones: 1. Avoid the conflict. 2. Deny the conflict; wait until it goes away. 3. Change the subject. 4. React emotionally: Become aggressive, abusive, hysterical, or frightening. 5. Find someone to blame. 6. Make excuses. 7. Let someone else deal with it. All of these responses to conflict have one thing in common: They are all nonproductive. All of them are destructive, some physically. This is why learning to manage conflict is so important. Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict The skills involved in managing conflict are learned behaviors. None of us is born knowing how to deal with differences of opinion, arguments, or turf wars. Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face of conflict are: 1. Behavior learned in families. In some families, conflict and confrontation are a communication style. In others, conflict always remains hidden. 2. Behavior learned from role models. People who have had a teacher or boss who modeled effective conflict resolution skills are more likely to develop these skills themselves. 3. Status. People in higher-status positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and are less likely to avoid confrontation. 4. Unwritten rules. Some groups encourage conflict; others have unwritten rules that it is to be contained or avoided. 5. Gender differences. Males are generally encouraged to be more confrontational than females. Active Listening Active listening is a valuable skill for resolving conflicts because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what another person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. Active listening is a way of checking whether your understanding is correct. It also demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned. These all help resolve a situation where there are conflicting points of view. Active listening responses have two components: (1) naming the feeling that the other person is conveying, and (2) stating the reason for the feeling. Here are some examples of active-listening statements: "Sounds like you're upset about what happened at work." "You're annoyed by my lateness, aren't you?" "You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem." "It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe's paperwork." "Sounds like you're really worried about Wendy." "I get the feeling you're awfully busy right now." Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another's point of view. Benefits of Active Listening If a person uses active listening as part of his or her communication style, it has a positive effect on dealing with conflicts when they arise. This is because of the following benefits: 1. It feels good when another person makes an effort to understand what you are thinking and feeling. It creates good feelings about the other person and makes you feel better about yourself. 2. Restating what you've heard and checking for understanding promotes better communication and produces fewer misunderstandings. 3. Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an emotional situation. General Tips for Managing Conflict 1. Stick with "I" statements; avoid "you" statements. 2. Avoid name-calling and put-downs ("A reasonable person could see that..."). 3. Soften your tone. 4. Take a time-out ("Let's take a break and cool down"). 5. Acknowledge the other person's point of view (agreement is not necessary). 6. Avoid defensive or hostile body language (rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of body, tapping foot). 7. Be specific and factual; avoid generalities.
Preventing Conflicts Now that we've talked about how to resolve a conflict, let's look at how to prevent conflicts from happening. Think of situations in your life where there don't seem to be many conflicts. What might be happening there? Chances are, you are practicing one of the following conflict-prevention skills: 1. Bring issues out in the open before they become
problems. 2. Be aware of triggers and respond to them when you notice them. 3. Have a process for resolving conflicts. Discuss the process with those around you and get agreement on what people should do in cases of differing viewpoints. Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication
Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or you can have days of low stress effective communication with your peers.
The Incredible Human Psyche
The intriguing Human psyche - more complex than the metamorphosing cocoon, and more phenomenal than the human brain could ever imagine.
Dont Settle
Settling is about not embracing what is best for you, and accepting what you really don't want. When you settle, you accept less than you deserve. Settling becomes a habit and a way of life, but it doesn't have to be. According to Maureen Dowd, "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for!"
Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment
Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.
How to Jump-start Your Emotional Health
You've probably heard the expression: "It's not what you're eating. It's what's eating you!" This well-known saying reminds us that the thoughts we entertain can have an impact on our health.
Learning To Recognize Your Ego
What is an ego?
Our Worst Enemy
Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets? Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need?
Business Career Executive Coaching Article -Motivator, Discipline and Desire
"There is a certain combination of desire and discipline in the way I work. Discipline by itself simply is not enough in the creative process."
- Robert De Niro
Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2)
Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve in the Garden of Eden ? that cornerstone of society has been automated.
What Rules!
There are things that we do automatically internally that we don't even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine.
Make Progress Now: Take the Hand Brakes Off Your Life!
Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making little or no progress?
The Role of Grief Group Facilitators
Technically, there are two types of grief groups. Informational and support groups are for individuals who have an interest in the grief process. The purpose of these groups is to promote grief education and awareness. It covers the grief process in a more academic fashion.
The Power of a Scope
We all know the power of a scope if you need to focus in on a target and hit it. We all need to develop and truly understand the power of the human mind's scope. All of us have inside of us the potential to be as powerful as the most high-tech laser scope available today. A scope is designed to focus in on a target without getting distracted or losing focus in order to hit its target right on the bull's eye. Now remember that all mechanical scopes are programmed by human technology and if we can do it for machines, we can do it for ourselves.
Taking The Coach Approach
When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. After all, who else knows your dreams, goals, and intentions better than you do? Who else has access to your inner compass?
The Power of Storytelling
Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line consumer and/or sponsoring a new person. In this article, I am going to show you the difference between making a sale and having customer loyalty in the sales process. In the sales process, you are fighting many different types of animals. For most of us who are in direct sales, you have 45 minutes to present a product/business concept and make a person believe in you, your product, and more importantly have them make a decision that they want what you are offering.
Life Coaching for Success and Fulfilment
We live in a world of rapid change and uncertainty. Nothing is as it was even ten years ago. This means there is major pressure on all of us to change, everything is speeded up; we have to learn fast or risk being left behind. All areas of life are affected. Relationships lack commitment, health can no longer be taken for granted, financial security can disappear over night. Careers are insecure, global security is challenged and stress is at an all time high. We have more choices in life than ever before. So how do we find stability and manage choice in this fast changing world?
Successful Implementation of Company Wide Coaching Programmes
Ten years ago I was fortunate enough to be heavily involved in the implementation of a company wide coaching programme, both as an employee who was to receive coaching but also as a manager and coach who was expected to regular coach my reports and my peers to enable them to achieve their objectives. I say, fortunate enough, because I found that when I was coached effectively I became really motivated and focused, and when I finally became a proficient coach, I again found it motivational in that I was able to support and enable my direct reports to achieve more.
Coaching for Physicians
Is Having a Professional Coach a Solution to Optimizing your Practice's Performance?
Could You Be A Workaholic?
If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic.
Communicating Anger Compassionately
Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an emotion everyone knows about. Unfortunately, few people have been taught how to mange this feeling in an assertive and compassionate way. If we resort to raising our voice, yelling, or lashing out when we are angry; that is an aggressive expression of anger. Approximately 70% of people have a tendency to suppress anger. In other words, they bottle it up and lash out later. Bottling up feelings often leads to 'anger attacks'-those bursts of rage that leave you feeling guilty afterwards.
|
